There are now 7 days left until the one year anniversary of Corey’s terribly untimely passing. I have still not found a way to understand the reason, as I truly doubt there is one. Some deaths are baffling, unexplainable & unfair. His is an example of just that. It is clear in the many fans who are still out there, loving his work, mourning his passing & celebrating his life. I have met & corresponded with SO many lovely people over the past year, I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world, except one obvious exception…..Corey to still be walking the earth & breathing in the air.

With the ominous day growing ever nearer, I find myself filled with the same emotions I experienced upon hearing of his passing. I am also filled with the dread of knowing that an entire year has passed since his soul left that beautiful body of his. This seems an unreal fact to me. It doesn’t feel like a year, yet at the same time, it feels like a lifetime. I remember exactly where I was when I got the call. I know what I was doing. I have photographic evidence of it, in fact. I was doing a photo series in downtown Detroit of an iconic building being torn down. Those two things will now forever be linked in my mind.

One thing that is very different from when Corey first passed is that I miss him more. That isn’t surprising to me, it’s just a fact. I miss him more every day. There are times when something happens & I think to call him to share. I go into the mountains & talk to him, about how beautiful it really is, even with all the ugliness that lies within those buildings down below. I think about how awesome it would have been if we were standing up there together now, watching the black birds fly from high atop Mulholland Drive. I think of walking the beach in Venice, playing frisbee, hanging out at the Sunday afternoon drum circle, laughing, watching the sun set, buying silly jewelry on the boardwalk…..so many things. But I’m glad I chose to move here anyway. I can see the beauty through the fog of seedy deals & shady people. I am in love with this place & for me, Corey is a part of that. Unless of course, I make the mistake of taking a wrong turn, end up on Barham Rd & drive past the Oakwood, which ALWAYS throws me into some type of emotional fit every time I see that damn sign.

As the day gets closer, I am aware this will get more difficult, but I’ll try to keep myself occupied as much as possible. Not that I’m trying to get him out of my mind. I just know I have to keep living every moment of every day I am blessed to wake up. I do this not only for myself, but for all of those I love who have gone before me. Because of them, I am grateful for every sunrise & sunset. I’m grateful for the love of my family & friends. I am grateful for learning from my wonderful friends that talking about Corey is okay, even if it took me nearly a year to start opening up more.  I am grateful for having known & loved some REALLY amazing people who no longer get to be here on a physical level anymore. I also appreciate my dreams so much, especially when I get to have a dream date. Who knows, maybe I’ve got another one coming up this week.

I love you Corey!

Always

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=280636821734

Sarah brought it to my attention yesterday, when the high bid was $152.

Corey was wearing this shirt the weekend we first met. When I saw it listed on eBay, I burst into tears. Part of me wanted to buy it immediately, but the practical & logical side of me kicked in & started asking questions.

Why now? Where is this money really money Judy? An animal charity? Or to your bank account? I don’t want to believe you would do this, but I just don’t know what to believe anymore, mostly because I can’t seem to get in touch with you. You can appear on GMA randomly, yet I can’t get you to respond to an email.

I am not happy about the sail of this beloved shirt that is now sitting at $511 bid. Whoever is doing this for Judy is also selling Coreys surfboard that appears to be signed by him, but the autograph looks a little sketchy. I would like to open a dialog about this, which is the reason I am posting this particular blog.

What is really going on? Help me understand, please Judy, please.

With the onslaught of coverage of whatever it is that’s going on with Charlie Sheen, it reminds me that our superficial society is obsessed with this image that entertainers (well, in all honesty, their agents & publicists) portray of their lives. In this particular case, however, Charlie seems to be holding the reigns of his personal & professional decline. When your publicist quits, that’s not a good sign. I have no personal affiliation with Charlie Sheen, as I’m not a prostitute or a porn star.

What troubles me about this entire situation is that the mainstream media is eating it up. It’s disgusting & disturbing, all at the same time. I will admit, I did watch the GMA interview. That freaked me out SO much, that I didn’t bother with the 20/20 interview…..well, that & the fact it preempted one of my favorite shows, Detroit 1-8-7. How is this guys mental collapse news to such a point that networks feel they need to rush for the interview & replace regular programming? I actually saw an ABC truck parked outside his gated community this afternoon, with everyday people standing around on the grass, waiting for what? I don’t know, I almost pulled over to ask them. Damn, now I think I should have. He’s not interesting, he’s disintegrating. He actually said he has Tiger blood coursing through his veins & that he is not bipolar, but bi-winning. WTF is that??? How is this considered entertaining & not frightening?

Charlie, from what I can tell, believes what he is saying, which makes it all the more troubling. He is a 45-year-old father of 5, with a LOT of money, who lives in a gated community, separated from the reality of the world around him. No one can force him to do anything, unless he does something illegal & gets arrested, later having to face a judge, again. His family can not force him into an institution, his bosses did all they could do, which was cancel, or put on hold, his sitcom. To me, the saddest part of that scenario is the fate of his co-stars & crew. It’s not their fault he’s losing his mind. He is free to fall, eventually finding himself lying naked in an empty bathtub, rambling to his “goddess” girlfriends about how he is the king of the universe & Hugh Hefner is an “amateur”. That last statement humors me. Consider the absurdity of that.

Hugh Hefner, whatever your opinion of him or his magazine, was a revolutionary of his time. He changed the way women were portrayed in media & seen in general. He developed a lifestyle, an ideal, a dream of men all over the world. Charlie Sheen is delusional, not Adonis. That is my opinion.

Is he on drugs? I don’t know. All I know is that there are FAR too many real news story’s that deserve to be covered than the blatherings of an overpaid megalomaniac. Consider the revolutions happening around the world.Tunisia,  Egypt, Yemen, Libya, hell even Wisconsin. The price of gasoline is nearly up to $4/gallon AGAIN, yet we’re glued to our idiot boxes, watching yet ANOTHER creepy interview with a guy that isn’t making any sense when he opens his mouth.

I am aware that people get off watching train wrecks. I find it ignorant & lazy, but I know they love it. It also makes for good comedy material, but come on already. Stop feeding into the dumbing down of our country. If you have a tv, unlike myself, turn it off, change the channel, watch a documentary, read a newspaper, a book, some REAL news on the internet….shit, watch porn, I don’t care, just stop feeding into this melodrama that makes you feel better about your mediocre lives. If you don’t like the path your life has taken, CHANGE IT! Stop living through Hollywood “celebrities”. Can’t you see they’re unable to handle the pressure? In case your fantasies have clouded your own reality, these people are just that, people. The only difference between you & them is salary, luck, some talent sometimes & the pedestal you put them on. I am not angry at celebrities, I do not “hate” Charlie Sheen, I don’t know him. I’m just continuing what I set out to do when I started this blog, which is point out the absurdity I notice when it comes to the entertainment industry & those employed in it, myself included. Consider me a hypocrite if you like, but I live true to myself every moment of every day. I put on no false image of myself. I accept myself for who & what I am.

Shit, I feel guilty even writing about this, but I can’t stay quiet about it when it is EVERYWHERE I look. I have enough to deal with in my personal life, now that I got this crap out of my head, I can go back to focusing on the important stuff! You should do the same.

P.S. ~ I just noticed that Charlie Sheen started a Twitter account today. I’m not certain it really is him, even if it says it’s verified. The man has accumulated upward of 600,000 followers in a day. That in itself speaks volumes to everything I have written here.

I have found myself asking in the hours since the show ended how much this really matters in the larger scope of life in general. Does this somehow invalidate the loving, beautiful person Corey was? No, it does not invalidate his life. What it does invalidate was his career, his passion for it, his IMMENSE natural talent & his lifelong commitment to his craft, regardless of his personal struggles. I’m 100% certain Corey is NOT the first, nor will he be the last, person in the industry to have struggled with a substance abuse problem during their lifetime. The Academy had no problem including Brittany Murphy in last years montage. I mean this as no offense to her, but Corey’s career, in contrast, was over a longer period of time & he starred in movies that defined a generation. This was a serious insult to his contribution to a community that loves to love itself, even though secretly most of them hate themselves.

Let it also be made clear that Corey was not the only actor left out of the montage last night. Other examples of people who passed over the last year are Betty Garrett, Peter Graves, Barbara Billingsley. These were actors who should not have been overlooked either, considering their contribution to their industry. At least I can say that Corey is in good company there. I can personally think of several pointless moments during this years award show that could have been cut or shortened to make time for these lovely & talented people.

I am aware that getting so upset about someone who has passed away not being mentioned during an award show, when people already know they have passed away, seems trivial to the majority of people. I can see your point, but in this case, for me anyway, it’s personal & it’s also the second award show in a row that has done this to him. The SAG Awards ignored him as well, saying they had a longer version that he was in, but since the show was running long, they chose the shorter version without him in it. I still find this unacceptable as an excuse. It’s lazy & disrespectful. These were his peers! This was the craft he LOVED!

To make another comparison, this time being Robert Downey, Jr. I use him because he had MANY years of well known struggles with substance abuse. He was lucky enough to finally wake up & get his life together. Since that time, his career has exploded, actually becoming larger than it ever had been in the past. He is an excellent actor, in my humble opinion, one of my favorites. I am very happy that his life has gone in the direction that it has. Corey & I had discussed Robert as an example of someone who had overcome their personal demons & turned around not only their careers, but their entire life. This is what Corey was aiming for. It is what he wanted for himself. He had been in the midst of a very long process of getting clean & he was WINNING! That’s the thing that was never talked about after Corey passed. Within moments of his death, the reports began to run that he had overdosed. Most of the media outlets who reported that false story never bothered to retract it after the toxicology report was released, by the way. As we all now know, he did NOT die due to any drug intoxication. They call it Pneumonia, but his heart was one & a half times it’s normal size & his lungs were full of fluid. Whatever the case, he was unable to fulfill his dream, which was finally being realized. He was SO busy. He was getting ready to star in & direct a movie he was very proud to be part of. It would have been his directorial debut. That movie would have opened many people’s eyes who either didn’t know of him or had long ago written him off. It would have changed his career in that way he was fighting for. Would have though……it just hurts to say that, to this day & beyond, I’m sure. I can’t even imagine what life would be like if he were still here (maybe I can to a degree), but I know that without him there is a hole in the universe that can never be filled.

So, as I sift through the stories friends have sent me about last nights snub, we wait for the eventual excuse given by the Academy &/or Board Of Governors. It will be meaningless & empty, like their souls.

Don’t fret Corey…….SO many people out there still & will always love you! I just wish you knew that before you left your body.

<3

There have also been many challenges thrown at me since making this change. Some have really shook me up, but as usual, I just brushed it off & kept hustling, moving forward & keeping my focus. That was until last Thursday evening when my entire life turned upside down, leaving so many things, including my health, in question.
I accepted a 4 week promotional program & needed to fly to Minnesota for training which would have been followed by a month of working in the metro Detroit area. This was perfect for me, as I really yearned to be home for the holidays this year. My niece is 2 & beginning to understand the holiday a little better. I have the best relationship with my family that I have ever had in my life & as always, my lifelong friends play a role in my wanting to be home for the holidays. The job I accepted was/is quite simple & while I can’t discuss it (it’s the nature of the business) what I can say is that it was going to be difficult but fun, a real holiday adventure.
I flew into Minneapolis early last Wednesday, a city near & dear to my heart. I mean, come on, it’s the home of Prince & the Minneapolis sound. The music I grew up on & learned so much from. Sure, it was FREEZING there, but whatever, I was meeting cool new people, starting a fun new promotion that would give me the financial freedom back that I had burned through with the move & subsequent loss of the job I moved there for & the first apartment I lived in. How can one resist. Besides, it was only for 4 weeks, which in the touring industry is a short period. Piece of cake…..or not, as it turns out.
I was asked to stay behind after the managers for all the other cities were taking off for their long rides back to their markets. Me being the closest to Minneapolis, it made perfect sense, besides I always love the opportunity to be that person who goes out of their way to do for the company & also look good to them in the process, further helping my reputation with them for future work. That’s just who I am, I’m ambitious, as well as a pleaser. It’s something in my personal life that I’m working to fix, because I have learned that being that way causes people to expect far more from you than they are willing or able to give back & that’s just not healthy for me any longer. I’m too strong to be ANYBODY’S doormat!
All that had been asked of me was to stay an extra night & leave for Detroit the next morning so they could use the van in the photo shoot, no big deal. When the girl came to pick up the keys to the van, the owner of the company was there & as it turned out, so was my program manager, who I have an excellent relationship with, due to her missing her flight out that evening. She asked me if I wanted to go with her & see the mock deliveries. I wasn’t ready to do it, as I was in my pajama’s, wasn’t feeling very well & didn’t even have my purse with me. I couldn’t resist witnessing first hand what I would be doing for the next month, no matter how cold & weird I felt though, so I said yes.
We were out for at least an hour, my sense of time at this point has become skewed quite a bit, so bear with me on my explanation. I remember the decision being made that we would go to one more house & I had already jumped behind the wheel of the van to move it from house to house, to truly mock what we would be doing in the field. According to witnesses, this is what happened next. Keep in mind I have no memory of this, which makes it even more frightening than what actually happened, in my eyes.
As we were preparing to deliver to the last house, one of the girls who was doing the delivering for the photo shoot was talking to me. I can’t remember if she said she was in the van passenger seat talking to me or talking to me through the drivers side window, but all of a sudden I began to have a seizure. All my muscles tightened, my teeth clamped down on my tongue, my foot gunned the gas pedal in the van, which was luckily in park & I began to convulse. She said this lasted for about a minute or so. After the seizure ended, someone from the house we were visiting brought out a blanket for me while the owner of the company called 911. I was told that everything that happened was exactly what the 911 operator said would happen. I slowly started to regain semi-consciousness & was attempting to talk, at the same time also trying to fold the blanket. The girl sitting in the van with me asked me what was wrong with the blanket, if it was too cold or something & I mumbled something, but she still couldn’t understand the things I was trying to say.
After about 10 minutes an ambulance showed up. The Paramedics knocked on the drivers window & I looked over at them with this startled & confused look. They somehow got me into the ambulance, which again, I have no memory of. Sometime during the ride to the hospital I started to become more conscious & remember much of what happened from that point on. Admittedly, there are many holes in my memory for the next few days, for reasons I’m still not sure of, trauma maybe, who knows. One thing I am not is an expert on seizures. I worked with a girl years ago with Epilepsy & helped her through a seizure once, but she felt it coming & was able to get somewhat ready for it. I wasn’t even in the same country as ready for mine. I don’t fully remember arriving at the hospital, but I became coherent while there, though still shaken to my core & full of fear & confusion.
They ran some tests, CT scan, blood work & after about 3 hours released me, which I now know is not the proper protocol for an unexplained seizure. After meeting with my family doctor here, I have found out the what they should have done was keep me for a minimum of 24 hours for observation. Not only did they not follow that protocol, but they broke my patient confidentiality rights by discussing my personal & private information in front of my boss, which is totally against the law with the passing of the patient privacy act. Now I have all that garbage to deal with on top of working with my doctors to find out the cause of the seizure & make sure it’s not life threatening or something that will recur. The ER doctor just decided from talking to me that what I had was a drug withdrawal induced seizure. I had been prescribed Klonopin several months ago & my closest friends know 1st hand that I fought that every step of the way, never wanting to be on that pill to begin with & spent the rest of the time I was on it trying to figure out how I was gonna find a new doctor & get off of it. I was stupid. I know better than to do what I did. I had run out of my prescription & abruptly stopped taking them. I feel in my heart this is what caused the seizure, so did the ER doctor. My family doctor in Michigan, he’s a different story. He doesn’t believe at all that’s what caused this. I don’t understand, but I do know that I trust him. Not in that doctor as God way, but in the way that I know he’s a good, honest man & a very thorough physician. It’s why my family has gone to him for so many years.
Oh wait, I skipped ahead a bit. I had to spend that night after being released from the hospital alone in a hotel room in Minnesota. The next day I had to travel by plane alone, which took a VERY long time for what is usually a less than 2 hour flight. When you book same day, it is stupid expensive, I believe to “deter” terrorists or something. Think about it, all those $1500 flights for same day travel, the airlines just eat those seats. I’m rambling, because that was a horribly frightening day. I was still not all with it mentally (when am I ever, really? lol) & I had to get myself through 3 airports with a 3 hour layover in Chicago. I was scared out of my wits to say the least, but I made it to Detroit, where I have been since.
I didn’t discuss this with the majority of people I know for the 1st week purposely & for varied reasons. Some people I chose not to tell because it would do them no good to know & worry, while others I didn’t bother telling because I know that there was just no point, as it would not be any big deal to them. I don’t in any way mean for that to read begrudgingly. I accept all my friends for who they are, as I hope they do me. I am a 40 year old woman. I don’t look to my friends, especially my newer ones, for validation. I look within. It just wasn’t something I wanted out there for public consumption & scrutiny. I was judged by a few people, blown off by others, but the ones I know truly love me are very much here for me & also give me my space when they know I need it. I don’t feel comfortable being alone yet, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be by myself, as long as someone is in the house. It was smart of me not to go back to LA. 1st, I am not supposed to drive & my car is parked in a long term parking lot & only I can pick it up. 2nd, I don’t have the support system out there that I know I can turn to here, people who would look out for me, help me find the right doctors & possibly take me, as I am still restricted from driving. I would have been trapped, sad, scared & a bit overwhelmed. It is true what they say about Hollywood…..everyone has their dream, their agenda. This is not a bad thing, it is what they have to do to see their hard work & dreams come true. I would have been very much on my own had I gone straight back there. There was never really a question. I do miss it there, but what can I do? I am where I have to be to get the proper medical treatment & personal support that I need. That being said, my heart doesn’t want to be here if I’m not working, so it’s still a daily struggle. Hopefully, it turns out to be something simple, like quitting a disgusting drug that shouldn’t be used except for emergencies. This experience has made me question whether I intend to continue taking any medication for my anxiety. Maybe then the stigma can be lifted off my shoulders & no one can ever again misjudge me, or project the weakness of others onto me.

While I know that life has thrown me a big fat curveball. I intend to see my way through to the other side of this test of will. I will pass! I have to……I have far too much unfinished business to attend to, places to visit, people to meet, lives to touch. I have had a major setback, but as Elton John said….”I’m Still Standing”!

Love to all, regardless of anything…..life is love, starting within ourselves <3

I’m very excited about this venture & truly believe it’s one of the reasons I was drawn here.

I’ll keep you all updated as it moves forward, you know I will.

In other Los Angeles life news…..I have lost my job with the agency I moved out here to work for. I won’t give details, because I truly dislike talking badly about people, if I can help it, but it was nothing that I feel I did wrong. The more I think about it though, the more I realize that job was what was meant to get me out here, not what I was meant to focus all my energy on.
I have been filling time & making money working as an extra on tv & films in the past couple weeks. I do fairly well, having worked 4 days last week & am already booked for Law & Order LA for Monday. I plan to get myself booked as much as possible while I continue to post my resume for jobs in the industry that I know I’m qualified for. I also applied for unemployment from my last job, to help me get by. I have a good & comfortable feeling in my soul about all of this & know it will work out because I am dedicated to succeeding & motivated to continuing to learn all I can, grow & see my ideas come to life.

So, for anyone that was concerned about me, don’t be……I really am okay, I promise.

<3

I’ve been thinking about this & actually doing it just for sport whenever I’ve had the chance for a while now. I am also aware that I have friends who are pro-paparazzi who will not dig what I’m going for, but whatever, I don’t like things some of my friends like, so we’re square.

I’ve been irritated by the paparazzi for years. OBVIOUSLY not because I’m any type of celebrity, as we all know I’m not, nor am I trying to be. I have enjoyed, as a sport, grabbing my camera whenever I’m in a city with a group of Paps staking someone out & just start shooting them, or jumping in the way of their big money shots, asking them stupid questions to see if it pisses them off. It’s really fun.
I figure, now that I’m living in Los Angeles, what better place than here to start doing that as a side job & videotaping it for a possible vlog.

I’ve seen the shows on E where they highlight paparazzi, how they live, network, stalk, yada yada. Well, why couldn’t I do something like that, only from the other side? I thought I could be like the “Dog, the Bounty Hunter” only I would be “Jenn, the Paparazzi hunter”? =)
It would be me trolling around the places I know the paparazzi troll (which I’d have to learn 1st, because I have NO idea where they “troll”) & set up in front of them, on public property & just start taking their pictures, asking them who they work for, how much they make, who they’re waiting for on that particular day/night. See if I can get a reaction.

So, what do you think?

I know it’s a bit like the documentary Adrian Grenier did on the teenage Pap, but that’s really not where the idea came from. I do applaud him for that movie though, even though he ended up kinda creating a bigger monster with that kid, but he was just documenting, it was more on that kids mom than anyone else.
Anyway, I’m off track. I really think I’m gonna go forward on this, take a test drive or two, see how it goes. If the video’s are any good, you KNOW I’ll be posting them here.

<3

j

When I landed back in Los Angeles yesterday, something felt different & I wasn’t able to put my finger on it until I spoke to my friend Jenna tonight. I’m not on vacation anymore. I live here. I have a car. I have an apartment. I have a job. I don’t live in Detroit anymore. It feels kinda sad & I didn’t expect that reaction. I expected excitement, joy, enthusiasm & happiness. What I feel today, besides this aching feeling of fighting off some sort of cold, is an emptiness, a whole inside me, that can only be filled when I go back to Detroit to visit. I didn’t allow myself to feel any of this while I was there last week. I didn’t have the time, not even at my going away party, which is what I think perpetuated this feeling off loss & sadness. Seeing all those people, who love me enough to come out & say goodbye, to celebrate my good fortune with me. I’m gonna really miss these people, their hearts & their unique character.
I will miss Detroit in all it’s gritty, scarred beauty. I will miss being able to drive around the city & see it coming back to life, ever so slowly. I will continue to wear my love for my city on my arm & in my heart.

Mostly, I’m gonna miss my niece. I can’t believe I am this far away from her for the first time in her 2 1/2 years. I know I’ll talk to her on Skype & Christmas is just around the corner, but at this age, they grow every day, they change, they start to talk better, they become more & more the person they will be for life. I will miss my sister, who’s wedding I can’t wait to attend next year. Sitting in the bridal shop with my mom last Thursday, watching her come out of the dressing room in these beautiful gowns, I was awe struck by her simple beauty. She didn’t have to do anything, she just WAS beautiful standing on that pedestal. I’m glad I took photos. Taking the engagement pictures for her & her fiancee was an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world. We had a blast that day.

As I type this, it is the first I’ve cried about my life change & the choices I have made to sacrifice my personal life for my professional one. I never thought I would be a person who would be in a position to do that. I always thought I would just work jobs all my life. I didn’t have a lot of confidence. But I have worked so hard at something I love so much that it has finally paid off in a way I never could have dreamed, yet tonight….I feel sad & a little bit alone. Everything & almost everyone I know is thousands of miles away. I feel vulnerable. I’m a little scared. I know I won’t screw this up, but there is still that voice buried way in the back of my mind saying “oh yeah, you think you’re gonna make it, huh? I bet you’ll ruin it like everything else you’ve touched in your life”. I am so tired of that voice. I look forward to it going away.

So, as I wind down for the night & get myself ready for my first day back at work, I am filled with excitement & a twinge of fear. Bring it on L.A. I can make anything I want happen & deep inside I know & believe that!

Tonight I cry
Tomorrow I begin my ascent

Onward & upward….that’s my new direction

all <3

Again I spent some time pulling weeds, but I was pleased to see it wasn’t nearly as bad this time. Not much to say about my visit, I laid with his body, I spoke to him, placed the remaining stones from Lilith Fair & then I said goodbye & left.

I’m starting to question the reason or point of this blog anymore. I get a lot of grief for it. That was never my intention. I’m not gonna shut it down. I just don’t know if I can take the scrutiny that I get for sharing my love & my thoughts about Corey. Personally, I think that if someone doesn’t like what I have to say, then they shouldn’t read my blog, but we all know that’s not the world we live in & they will continue to read. So, I think I may take a break from writing here for a while. I’m sad. I’m hurt. I’m angry. I’m still mourning. I know I’ll be back, I just don’t know when.

As always, I have added a couple of references to the Jewish faith for those who aren’t familiar. This time I shared a link regarding Rosh Hashana & also pasted a paragraph regarding leaving stones on the grave, which I think I already posted in another blog, but thought to add again. I also included a video tribute I finally broke down & made for Corey. It’s simple, as I’ve never done one before. It is what it is.

Visiting the gravesite

Some have a custom to visit the cemetery on fast days (Shulchan Aruch Orach Chayim 559:10) and before Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (581:4, 605), when possible, and for a Yahrzeit. During the first year the grave may be visited on the shloshim, and the yartzeit.

Even when visiting Jewish graves of someone that the visitor never knew, he or she may place a small stone at the graveside. This shows that someone visited the graveside, and represents permanence. Leaving flowers is not a traditional Jewish practice. Another reason for leaving stones is tending the grave. In Biblical times, gravestones were not used; graves were marked with mounds of stones (a kind of cairn), so by placing (or replacing) them, one perpetuated the existence of the site. This was also helpful for Cohanim, who needed to avoid spiritual impurity that could be passed on by corpses/graves